Divorcé Tales: Acknowledge

I was told many things by family members and friends about how I should handle the situation. Some friends gave great advice without advising me on what to do because they were not in my situation. They had no idea what I should do, had never in my place and couldn’t do anything more than listen to me rant about wanting to commit MANY illegal acts, blame the world and pity sobs. They were great!

Then, there are those that are not so great. These people don’t get the point of why you are talking to them. They want to give solutions when honestly, there is no solution. There are too many variables and they don’t know everything that happened in the relationship. There are many reasons why they are clueless about some of the things that occurred; but, the most important reason is because I didn’t tell them everything for one reason or other: they are nosy; they can’t keep a secret; etc. Anyway, they don’t get that they are to serve as ears, JUST LISTEN PEOPLE!!! YOU HAVE A HYSTERICAL WOMAN PLOTTING ON THE OTHER END OF THE RECEIVER!!! SHUT UP AND LISTEN!!!

Should you find yourself in my situation, here are some things that helped me. And please remember these are things that helped me. Do not get mad at me if this does not work for you. Like I said before, every situation is different.

1. Acknowledge I am ANGRY
2. Pick friends (not associates, neighbors or spiteful relatives) that I can vent to
3. Accept the situation (this does not mean wallow in it and stay there)
4. Move up and on

Anger is a very powerful emotion. It made me think things I dare not speak of or write for fear of being prosecuted under the full extent of the law. Let’s just say that when I called those carefully chosen friends, they heard tales that would have inspired many murder mysteries, a Lifetime movie and a guest appearance on Oprah (of course from behind bars). I was ready to inflict physical violence as a release for the emotional pain I was feeling. I was angry, and with good cause.

Then, those naysayers would tell me to be lady-like and set aside everything for my kids. But again, they didn’t know everything that happened and never will. And I believe that a happy mommy increases the chances of me raising my kids to be happy. I didn’t want them to see a destructive relationship and think it was normal. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I want my kids to avoid this, have healthy relationships and be happy.

So I acknowledged I was angry and took it one day at a time. I am proud to say that I can almost look at couples out in public without vomiting a little in my mouth. This is mostly because I realize, even more than ever, what you see is not necessarily what you get. Who knows what is going on at home? And no, I am not secretly wishing that they have a bad relationship. I just realize that there is no reason why I can’t and won’t have that in my future. It makes all those public displays of affection a lot easier to swallow. Oh look, a pregnant woman, and a man whom I am assuming to be her husband and baby daddy, holding hands looking at useless baby gear in Target. Ugh, where is the nearest bathroom? Just Kidding!

The point of all of this is that me realizing that I was really angry made me feel better. I stopped pretending I wasn’t hurting and could do what I needed to do to take care of myself for once. (Taking care of ourselves is one of those things us women might forget how to do when we are engrossed in a relationship.) And sure, there are some days when I might get angry, but he isn’t dead. I’m not behind bars. And there are no book or movie deals, yet. Hmm… maybe I should forward these blogs to Oprah…