Divorcé Tales: Acceptance

After acknowledging I was one pissed off momma, I realized where I was in my relationship; and I had been there a while. I was completely unhappy and frustrated. I had given up a lot and felt cheated. I was robbed out of what those before me, around me and after me, had and would have: a healthy happy relationship. I re-examined a lot of things that had happened and I wanted to blame him for all of them. But honestly, he didn’t do it alone.

Yes, he still pisses me off. Yes, he still does stupid things that make me wonder why I got married in the beginning. Thinking back, there were signs everywhere that I should have gotten off this ride. Here are some examples:

1. Everyone, except me, felt like we had the “perfect” relationship.
2. Me sarcastically half-joking and complaining about how much he was an idiot. Half a joke is half the truth.
3. No sex.
4. Lots and lots of lies that I knew were lies but just moved on. You see arguing with an idiot that would tell such an awful lie and expect me to actually believe it is futile. It’s like yelling at Helen Keller with her back turned; she ain’t going to hear you.
5. The increase in pornographic media and strip clubs with no concern for how it made me feel.
6. His stupid willingness to engage in petty crimes and other illegal activities with no concern that he might actually be stupid enough to get caught.
7. His lack of involvement with his kids.
8. No sex.
9. No sex.
10. Lots and lots of arguing and threats to leave.
11. Making me feel like worthless crap.
12. No sex. Geez, our kids are miracle babies.
13. Realizing I was a bigger moron for staying that long.

After realizing all this, I easily accepted I played a role in our downfall. I accepted where I was and what I was becoming. I could choose to look at myself as a statistic. But that would be wrong. Instead, I am one of the lucky ones that realized a relationship, for the sake of kids and being in a relationship, isn’t a good idea. Oh hello freedom… I’ll be with you in one minute.